It’s kind of crazy looking back. I was only 20 and as soon as we decided to marry, I decided I needed to meet his parents. There was one little problem, they lived in the Arctic Circle. I was so young and foolishly naïve. As soon as I wrote the letter and we sent a picture, they called him immediately (after they received the picture) and asked him about me. They asked him, what is she? He said, “She’s an American.” There was some more conversation and after he hung up the phone, he told me, “They wanted to know if you were from South America. I told them no, North America.” They asked my race, he said, “She’s white – she’s German!” He had dated a girl named Evangeline from Guam while a student at Bellevue Community College in Seattle in the mid 80’s. I wondered about them too.
He was secretive; he wouldn’t tell me what they did for a living or how he grew up. Later I learned (he told me) his Dad was the Director (for the North) of The Federal Reserve Bank of Norway. He didn’t want me making any decisions based on status or influence. Even way back then, the Ekanger’s were a very private group. The funny thing is, I was just 20 and had no idea what any of it meant. He was much more sophisticated than I. He had traveled the world, living abroad more than once. I remember the first time I met them on the phone. It was Roald who always did all the ‘talking’ because Else Margrethe was shy and insecure about her language skills. Hellooooowww Leesah. It had a classy ring to it.
I knew this was going to be a special relationship.
The first time I met Else Margrethe was 4 days before our wedding on July 9th, 1988. We lived in an apartment with a swimming pool and his 16-year-old brother and 12-year-old sister, swam their hearts out! It was a record hot drought summer that year, in fact it was 104 the day we got married and we had to take ALL of the wedding photos in the front watered grass because the rest was brown or yellow and burned up. His Dad bragged to about how Else M. had gone shopping for thee MOST exquisite dress. Little did she know she would be incredibly uncomfortable in the long-sleeved dress – same goes with his lil sis; they were both in long-sleeved fall clothes. Our summer, their spring! ]
The day we were married, it was her 50th birthday. I remember studying her. She was dark and slender with incredibly high cheekbones. Her eyes were green, and she was very shy. The remainder of our relationship was awkward because we could not communicate with each other, however we did have a few good laughs throughout the years as I tried so hard to learn Norsk. One time I wrote Gratulererer on a card when family got married and she just couldn’t stop laughing and pronouncing the extra ER! She also tried to teach me to knit one time and that was a major fiasco. We both ended up laughing hard about that. And another time, he filmed me taking a video tour of downtown Tromso (to show my family) and this made her (them) laugh until they were in tears. I never really understood what was so funny! During the 7 months we lived with them at 33 Kirkegardsveien (the church garden way) we pretty much avoided each other until she learned I was pregnant and matter-of-factly announced one day, “It shall be a girl!”
PEEKAH! She clapped and smiled!
I didn’t know much about Else Margrethe – just what I could glean from her children. I know she was one of the 3 girls (did she have a brother? I don’t think so – not sure though) – I knew her Mom was Emma and I had a pen pal relationship with Emma — he would translate and write as I dictated. Emma lived in Austevold in the house Holger and his twin sister were born in. Emma lived to be 88. Else Margrethe and her sisters inherited an enormous amount of land in Southern Norway and I’m not sure what they decided to do with it? I know they (Beste Mor and Beste Far) met in Dale – Roald and Else M. – I think it was at a party. They fell madly in love and Merethe was born in December, just 5 months after their wedding. They used to say it was the worlds shortest pregnancy?
She was just 23 when (unknowingly pregnant with twins) went to visit her parents and went into early labor. Both children were traumatized at birth and the larger of the two, at 3lbs, died. I don’t know if the depression of losing a baby caused her to not be available to him. I don’t know if she cried for the first few years of his young life, but what I do know is that they ended up with 4 kids all under the age of 6 by 1967.
4 children kept her terribly busy.
I always thought of his parents as the royal family. I saw them as classy, highly educated, and well-verse and traveled people. I know I never measured up. I tried incredibly hard though. I wrote them every few months for nearly 25 straight years and since Else Jean was born, I’ve sent them pictures about every 6 months – the last pictures I sent were in April of Else and Nelly. My heart is broken for this family right now. I can’t imagine how hard this will be for them to design his new normal without her. I loved the Ekanger’s and I wish that life’s rules weren’t so rigid.
In the meantime, I will hold a space in my heart for all of them. I will remember Else Margrethe as the delicate, witty, beautiful, kind, and loving woman that I knew. I will pour my love into my children and especially the two little girls named after their Great Grandmothers, Else and Nelly. These are my few and fragmented memories and thoughts of a person who at one time held an importance space in my life. Else M. was the example of what a wife and mother could look like. Loved, respected, cherished by all.