Trigger

Someday 

I will be an artist

I can still see the moment

in my mind’s eye when my teacher pointed me out to another

they were standing in the doorway smiling and chatting about me — 

I was biting my tongue as I am working aggressively 

to fill in the rest of the brown on my horse 

at home, I’m a girl of 7 and cry in my soup

pecking order

Someday 

I will be a singer

I still recall the first feelings of power coming from my throat, MY voice

I used to perform for a make-believe audience from Dad’s desk in the basement of our colonial home — 

my brush was my microphone

I sang I went to a garden party

A girl of 11 told, please go away

killing time 

Someday

I’ll go to college and when I graduate, I’ll be an adult

I remember walking into my first college class, my instructor asked 

me if my name was Afrikaans

A woman of 19 looking for a home

anything is better than living alone 

Someday

I will be a wife and a mother

it will all finally make sense because I’ll create a beautiful home                   

prepare delicious meals                                                    

keep an eye on our lives 

and they will be tidy

A woman of 23 searching for family 

purpose arrives

Someday I’ll be respected in my career

someday I’ll learn to stop worrying 

someday I’ll be satisfied with reality

So 

Me

Day

Yay!

Now it’s my turn!

the tables have turned

around my heart 

Now I understand love, I’ve let go

Now I understand people, I’ve said goodbye 

Now I understand peace, it was always mine

A woman now 55 weaving life with golden threads —

an infinity loom spinning                                                                

a figure 8 drawing

in a perfect space