When I moved mountains to get you medical care; you chose to lay there at the base motionless, you said no thank you.
When I paid your bills, wiped your brow, and fed you meals, you gladly accepted them and went on your merry way.
When I gave you advice at first gently and then eventually like a sledgehammer against the wall, you chose to ignore it completely.
When the clock was ticking and the sun was advancing in the sky, I wondered if you even noticed the position I was in.
When I was caring for a newborn and you called me repeatedly at midnight to tell me your woes, did it ever occur to you that I might be tired?
When you put me down as the first responder (on your list to call when you were in trouble) you easily tossed your outcomes on my lap like a casual bean bag game, did your soul know that mine was absorbing the stress of your choices?
When I saw the liquid eyes of the loved ones around you, desperate for understanding, did you even notice?
When I gave my last strength to prop you up while my bones were crumbling beneath my skin, you simply said, have a nice day.
The day finally came when you decided to ignore me; you said no thank you.
The effort to help you, corral you, cheer you, maintain you and support you took an immense toll on my health.
My body now echoes those moments in the aches and pains that move and rove all over myself.
Once I accepted the worries of the world, my world, my family.
I accepted the tragedies, the inconveniences, and the pain.
My cells are etched with the memories like the lines inside an ancient tree, they refuse to forget.
Your actions of non-change said no thank you.
Hearing no thank you is possibly the most offensive thing a care giver will hear.
No thank you means I don’t want your help; I don’t need your help and I’m not ready to change.
No thank you whether spoken or not is a dagger that stops the beating heart of growth and of progress.
All I wanted for you was peace and progress in your time and in your own way, now I realize I will never understand what that means.
Now I say, no thank you to outcomes, to expectations and to the accountability of those who don’t want it.
What a tremendous lesson I’ve learned about myself.
My need for a tidy and happy world.
I learned to let go of no thank you.
I learned to let go of your story and with love, I release you.
This is a gift I give myself.
To freedom I said, yes, thank you.
What a relief.